you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Watching her eat just hurts me
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
