1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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