Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
