why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize