Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize