Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
