I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
