i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It's blow job season.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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