Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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