please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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