So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
