And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
