I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize