Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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