and she was petting her beer can
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
