i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
