I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
