Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so let's talk penis.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
