burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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