So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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