STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
