went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
