a queef is a wish your heart makes.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Randomize
