So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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