her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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