The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Sext me about skeletons
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
