Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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