he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
