Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
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