THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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