I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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