I'm gonna have a badass scar
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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