How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
