he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
