Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize