I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
