True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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