She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize