i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
