How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
