Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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