That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
