Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
