I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
