Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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