I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
