My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
