VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
