Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
