i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
