what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I did not marry a roomba.
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