you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
