I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
