hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
where are you?
Hypothermia
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
