a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
you will always have a special place in my vag
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
