i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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