tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
did i just pee glitter
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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