Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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