i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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