last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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