What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
