i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
