my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
