My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
