you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
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